


Lost and found

by SweetKisses_20



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Language of Flowers, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Post-Break Up, References to Depression, Soliloquy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26406601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetKisses_20/pseuds/SweetKisses_20
Summary: The male felt his chest contracting, his lips were lowered and he was gazing down...all of sudden a tear went down his cheek...he wasn't really crying but he was almost doing it...a few minutes later the tears started to multiply and the male sauntered to the bathroom without telling anything to his lover. Adachi noticed that he wasn't smiling nor he was calm but he stood here he didn't move he knew that it wouldn't change anything, soon he'll discover the truth and before of it he has to do something, the relationship cannot continue to go on.
Relationships: Adachi Tohru/Narukami Yu
Kudos: 4





	Lost and found

**Author's Note:**

> Contains:
> 
> \--> depressed Yu
> 
> \--> a lot of soliloquy
> 
> \--> Adachi getting angry at himself but at the same time he gets kind of depressed
> 
> \---> caring but annoying Yosuke (mostly in chap.2)
> 
> I apologize if there are some mistakes and I really apologize if this sounds pretty depressive
> 
> unfinished, sorry to everyone

It was a good day at Adachi's home but that was obvious why it was a good day, Yu was there with him. The man didn't mind that sometimes the male liked to visit him and sleep here even if Adachi preferred going to the Dojima residence.

When Yu was there everything changed...every time the male stepped the doorway the house assumed another aspect another air?  
The house became more welcoming even if it wasn't completely furnished and there wasn't a lot of light in it but when the ashen male stepped in it the house became more lighter and even the man's mood changed, the way he felt and the way he acted...this boy could change everything.  
Also the kitchen became more...liveable? The ashen male loved to cook for Adachi and he seemed to like it even if he rarely complimented him he secretly enjoyed it, all his house became more liveable when Yu was here.

~The brown haired man noticed how the male was always relaxed when he cooked but he also noticed that when he was doing it for him Yu looked more happy than usual...a soft smile appeared on his face and he glimpsed at him while he continued to make dinner but he didn't speak. Adachi couldn't help but stared at him for a few minutes, look how happy he was...the man was wondering if he'll be happy after knowing certain things...he had to do something...but what he can do?

Adachi stopped to look at Yu, he didn't want that the male started to study him again so he looked away and tried to fake everything.  
He massaged his temple but when the ashen male went near him he faked to be relaxed and he put on a fake a smile that he tried to don't make it looks very fake.

"Is everything ok Adachi-san? You look more weirder than usual"

Questioned the male while he leaned forward to him

"I'm just tired"

Remarked the man licking his lips

The ashen male went near him, gave him a kiss on the cheek and caressed him.

"I've prepared something very delicious for you, I think you'll like it but if you don't I can make something else for you. I have all the time this evening so its not a problem for me"

Giggled the male while he sauntered to the kitchen and came back in a few minutes.

"No it's fine"

Replied Adachi glancing at the ramen in his bowl

The ashen male gave him another kiss and he resumed to eat, the man didn't even looked at him at least not like he usually does but luckily Yu haven't noticed it even if he thinks that the male have noticed it and he's completely ignoring it. He thinks that what the man said to him its true, he was totally fooling him...

The male stayed quiet for a few minutes,  
he tilted his head and gazed at the man...those silver eyes... this pure gaze fixed on him...those soft lips forming a sincere smile...

His charcoal eyes glimpsed at him, he blinked a few times then his gaze looked away. But he knew that it was the wrong thing to do, soon Yu will play with him until he doesn't make eye contact with him.

For more than 10 minutes they ate in silence and this made Adachi uncomfortable, was the male studying him?  
He just stared at something that wasn't the male he didn't want to meet his gaze even if he tried to hide it the male wasn't completely stupid. The brown haired man got lost in thoughts but suddenly Yu asked him something that made him rapidly glance at him and then he lowered his head.

"How it went at work Adachi-san?"

Questioned the male with his usual sincere smile

"Same as usual"

Replied the man blinking a few times

His voice was dead...no hint of emotions not good ones nor bad ones...his gaze was empty. in his eyes there was only Yu's reflection but it was like his gaze wasn't alive and soon the ashen male have noticed it.

~Yu froze and he covered his mouth with his hands. This wasn't the man he knew, something have changed but he could try to do something like he usually do playing with him and show him affection. The male cleared the table and sauntered to the kitchen, he detained himself into the kitchen for a few minutes and started to think

'His gaze is dead...he looks so empty...  
What happened to you Adachi-san? You said that you're tired but I don't believe at you... you're lying to me but I could try to ask him what he truly has'

The male felt his chest contracting, his lips were lowered and he was gazing down...all of sudden a tear went down his cheek...he wasn't really crying but he was almost doing it...a few minutes later the tears started to multiply and the male sauntered to the bathroom without telling anything to his lover. Adachi noticed that he wasn't smiling nor he was calm but he stood here he didn't move he knew that it wouldn't change anything, soon he'll discover the truth and before of it he has to do something, the relationship cannot continue to go on.

Yu looked at his reflection in the mirror...tear after tear started to go down to his cheeks. He closed the door of the bathroom and started to talk to himself.

"Why? Tell me...is it my fault? I hope I'm just wrong"

Even if the door was closed the brown haired man could hear the male mumbling to himself and still he stood here but this time he wasn't emotionless he felt sad... he was really feeling sad?

1hr later the male came out from the bathroom, his mood was changed he was smiling.  
Yu leaned forward the man, he touched his cheek with a hand and he started to caress it. He looked up through the lashes and gave him a kiss on the cheek even if the man was still emotionless, the ashen male started to play with him he tried to catch his eyes and gave him other small kisses until Adachi was looking at him.  
The ashen male putted his hand on the man's face, he glanced down at his lips and then he started to kiss him softly. The brown haired man wasn't refusing it at the moment but after a few minutes he pulled away the male, Yu didn't stop and he pulled him again into a kiss that slowly became a rough kiss.  
The kiss stopped when Adachi pulled away the male even if he wasn't like before Yu's kisses still made him a certain effect but instead of looking at him he gazed down.

"What happened to you?"

Questioned the male

There was no answer, the brown haired man distanced himself from him and looked at the ashen male multiple times.

"What happened to you...tell me... tell it to me Tohru..."

Questioned Yu for the 2nd time

Adachi refused again to answer his question he was acting more weirder than usual something was wrong with him it wasn't just a bad day even if Yu hoped it was like that.  
The man ran his hands through his hair and still stayed silent. He gazed away and turned away but he could feel the male's gaze fixed on him.

"What's wrong with you...Why you don't tell it to me...you know that you can tell me everything no matter if It's something good or bad...just tell me Tohru"

Insisted Yu frowing

He called his name for the second time but...this time it was different, his voice was brittle and every time he said his name he could notice how sad he was. The man wasn't the person he knew before and he couldn't even have an explanation... seeing the male in this state made the brown haired man feel a little sad and guilty about how he was acting but he cannot hurt him anymore, he has to break the bond between them that was the only thing to do.

"Stop calling my name...just stop it... now we're nothing so don't even say my name"

Condemned Adachi

The man's mouth was firmly closed, he lowered his brow and slightly frowned. On the opposite the ashen male dropped his eyelids, a sigh came out of his mouth and his lips were lowered.

"Tohru..."

Sighed Yu

"I want you to leave"

Request the brown haired man with a tight voice

The ashen male became more sad than before, he was telling him to leave? Why??

"Why do you want me to leave? Is there something wrong? ....Why can't you tell it to me Tohru?"

Concluded Yu with a brittle voice

"I told you to leave don't you get it? ....Just leave"

Repeated the man with a taut voice

The ashen male went out of his lover house and sauntered on the way to home.

~Arrived at home Yu noticed that everyone was already asleep so it was like being alone.  
He sauntered to his room but he didn't go to sleep, a lot of thoughts were on his mind that it was impossible to sleep so he just laid down.

The ashen male tried to focus on other stuff but he always found himself thinking about him...he missed how he was before.  
Under a few minutes Yu's mind started to re-play all the moments spent together with the man...those charcoal eyes shyly gazing at him...those lips forming a rare smile that only happened when he was there with him...the sensation that he felt when the man called his name...those intense eye contacts...those intense stares that slowly ended up in a kiss...that sweet dance between their lips...those silent moments where none of them spoke but only enjoyed each other presence...

He felt like his mind was going to explode, he was so overwhelmed by all these memories.  
The ashen male was biting his bottom lip, his puffy eyes gazed outside the window but a few seconds later they were looking down.  
All of a sudden he heard a voice and the male faked to sleep he didn't have any intention to talk about it with the others. Again...this voice, this familiar voice...  
Yu called his name but there was no one here he was starting to imagine things.

"He's not here...I wonder if he'll ever come here again...I wonder if I'll ever see him again...I want..."

He couldn't finish the last sentence, it was too much painful he was sobbing.  
He called his name one last time, with this brittle voice and tears coming down his face...the male fell asleep crying

~On the other side Adachi wasn't doing better.  
The brown haired man was smoking more than usual. He was here staring at the empty walls...he closed his eyes and started to imagine things, as he knows the house assumed another aspect when the male was here but when he opened his eyes he realized that now it wasn't the same thing anymore, he realized what he has done.

"Just what I've done? Throwing away everything when I knew that he would forgive me...but no that was the only thing I could do...That's the only solution"

The man stopped to talk and pulled out another cigarette while he sauntered to the small kitchen.  
He stared at the fridge for a few solid minutes...a familiar voice...

'Do you want me to prepare something delicious Tohru?'

It was all in his imagination, the male wasn't here anymore while he opened the fridge he heard the voice for other two times.

'How it went at work?'

'Tohru is there something wrong?

Adachi shaked his head. all of this wasn't real, he took a few cans of beer and sat there on the sofa, dominated by a profound sadness.  
The solemn walls reviving all these memories...memories of Yu, the man turned on the t.v. and grabbed the first can of beer but under a few minutes he froze...no one was here but he felt someone touching him and again the voice.

'It's better that you relax Tohru...come here, relax with me'

"Shut up! You aren't real"

Shouted the man

At the third can of beer the sadness drained through him rather than skating over his skin. It travelled through every cell to reach the ground. He filtered it yet strangely enough, he kept what was pure and it was the dirt that left. A few tears came down his cheeks but he partially ignored them, he continued to drink but every sip he took made it look like the time have stopped and he could hear the familiar voice again.

'Tohru...'

'Do you miss me? Is that why you're drinking?'

'I..miss you too...come back to me...come back Tohru'

The brown haired man turned off the t.v. and putted down the can of beer... The time have stopped...tears slowly came down his cheeks...and he was talking to himself...talking with all these imaginary voices

"I don't miss you"  
Shouted again the man

A few minutes later he realized that he was crying.

"I'm sorry Yu-kun but this can't continue...we can't continue this relationship...you'll hate me after having discovered who I truly am"

Replied Adachi with a frail voice

'Don't cry Tohru... I'm always here no matter what you do or what you say'

He felt sad and angry...mostly angry at himself he literally messed up everything, he didn't need anyone around he didn't need love just the desire of disappear, of going away.... the man found himself crying more than before.

Adachi sat there, as he felt his heart cracking like glass, spreading its pieces throughout his body. Tears streaming down his cheeks, falling to the ground like raindrops. He stood there longing for his touch again...The delicate touch of the male...why he was crying? A man like him shouldn't cry, but everyone saw him as a boring man...as a man who's a heartless murderer...as a man who hates everyone...as a man who fakes his attitude by smiling but behind your back he hates you. No one except Yu saw his other side, the side of a man who can love...a man who smiles sincerely...a man who cries...a man who enjoy to talk. But maybe he only revealed this side to Yu and he didn't show his 'true' side, the side who hate... who have anger...who would kill you just cause he hates you or he dislike your view.  
No one loved him properly, his parents didn't care for him, he had around a few people who 'used' him for their personal stuff but they always called him good boy and said that they loved him. The only people who showed real affection to him were Nanako, Dojima and Yu they were the only people who truly showed affection.

The man was still here sitting on the sofa, staring at the pavement... his heart was full of sadness and anger. The tears have stopped to came down his cheeks but he could still feel them coming down, he resumed to drink while he was here still imagining Yu's voice and presence. Drinking made him the reversed effect.

Adachi started to talk with himself and still talking with these imaginary voices.

'Something's wrong in you, why you don't tell it to me Tohru?... Why you don't do it?'

"I cannot tell you....you'll never understand"

'Is there something I don't know? Something you have hidden to me?'

"You mean lying? I did it but...not all the times"

'uh that means you never loved me Tohru? You never felt anything? You lied to me?'

"No, that's not true...before of you I never felt this thing called love, I never believed in it before I thought it was just something stupid that make people hurting if they fail in it"

'So you really loved me? And do you still love me now?'

"I did. But now I don't love you anymore"

The man was lying to himself, he wouldn't have cried if he didn't loved him...he wouldn't 'protect' him from his other side...and he wouldn't have continued to love him.

'Liar, I know you still do'

'Why don't you admit what you've done...why you don't realize that you're a liar... you lied all the times to me...'

Adachi realized that the last voice wasn't Yu's one but it was his own.

He felt mad...he felt sad...he felt helpless

The brown haired man fell asleep with still this sadness inside of him.

Will this tragedy continue? What he'll do...will he tell the truth to the male? Will he try to fix everything?


End file.
